The last month has seen a bit of a reduction in my motivation towards my yearly goals. I feel that this has been the theme of the majority of my last couple of posts. This has lead partly to the guilt I am feeling.
Though after contemplation I think the bulk of my guilt at the moment is spread between several areas. At the moment I am going through an exciting period in our business where we are taking on growth capital. This in itself is a full on experience, of extremely long hours, changing a company culture, lack of time to dedicate to the family, client dinners and a feeling uncertainty until the ink is on the paper. The combination of this tends to lead to stress and general lack energy.
I tend to be very good at persuading my brain that lack of energy tends to be just in the mind and one can overcome this. So I try not to whinge and put on a positive face even when feeling like crap. Positive outlook is one of my life learning missions. If there is one thing I can truly share is that this does work. Using positive language to say you are feeling great and not wining has a hug effect on ones outlook. You really can trick your brain to think actually the world is not that shitty today. My caveat on this is that I am only pupil and not a master. It takes a lifetime of strong will to wake up each morning and see the world as beautiful when the sky is grey and you have been run through the proverbial mill.
So what is this all about, this blog, today I mean. Well, as I said I am pupil, and the last three weeks have seen a downfall in my outlook.
I have got a poor amount of miles in on my bike. Cycling tends to give me more energy even when I feel ruined. However, it is a vicious circle once in the couch potato spiral sets in. One lacks energy so you skip a ride or do a much shorter one. The next day is the same. Before you know it is 2 weeks, you feel lethargic and the motivation to go out and smash 10 miles is a distant memory.
I have eaten absolute rubbish for the last two weeks. Knock on effect, weight has gone up, energy spikes just after eating the chocolate then you feel worse…..so, one tends to eat more. Another crappy spiral.
Sleep time has been down.
I have been drinking way to much. Mainly to get my mind off the deal in the evening.
This was all compounded last night with an almighty binge and playstation session. Which has not helped the man boobs get smaller!!
As I was about to ram in a choco bar this morning and feeling waves of guilt from the night before, I though, NO, you have to get hold of this. You are better than this and the previous 2 months proved that. What the reasons I wanted to change in the first place? Get back on your blog and read what you wrote in January.
Writing this out today, is a hope that, I can break the cycle by being honest and analytical with myself.
This evening I leave on a flight (again) for 4 days away of long client meetings, no bike, no family and the temptation of shit food and drink.
Can I focus my mind to pull myself out of this self pitying negative spiral. Time will tell and I hope, that will be by the next time I post.
If you are reading this and you have the opportunity get out on your bike, tell your family you love them and take a second to think how amazing it is that we have a choice.